Day 5

Wow, has it really been five days since we held hands on the pier and said goodbye? Then again, has it really been over three years since we first started dating?

How I wish the time on deployment would fly like the times at home. Regardless, I am thankful.

Today was far from uneventful. Work, late work, no Claire. The difference this time, as has been the case for two days, is Hurricane Earl lumming in the tropics, heading straight for the coast that so many this time of year come to play on.

I guess there will be no playing for a few days, regardless of what his final path will be on the Atlantic Coast. I have to admit that my emotions are somewhere between bummed and horrified. I had hoped with the closure of summer that the rugrat and I would head to the pool one last time...almost like a teenage love affair, you know? But the realistic (and not so optimistic) side of me remembers the Nor'easter of last year and all I want to do is run far from here. Why did this have to be the week I picked duty?

The question becomes "where do we run?" Do I head north and stop in Richmond? Do I go west towards Emporia? If I didn't have duty I would run to PA...but that is another story, seems only certain female chiefs with children get to leave early, or at all for that matter.

But aside from where, how do I handle the "what?" Do I pack up the computer to save it from a storm? Do I pack papers upon papers that are in the safe? I have realized how simplistic this SHOULD be compared to how it actually IS. I want to pack pictures and documents and dinosaurs and trinkets of memories...but where does the line cross? Is there truly such a thing as making a decision about what part of your life you leave behind? I am not talking about the tv or coffee maker. I am talking about what pictures to pack, what blanket to take (for me, is it the one we first made love on or the one we have used since we moved to the house? for claire, is it the big dinosaur one that she wants to save in the attic?). And what about the computer? I am not materialistic, but there is a huge part screaming "THIS IS YOUR LIFE LINE TO HIM!" How do I ignore that? Is it materialistic? Or is it a comfort?

It is hard to compartmentalize all the details of your life into a condensed 24 hour version of "you", "us", "we".

Funny my biggest fear is when the moment comes, driving away from the storm when I realize that there is something I left that means so much. Will I turn back? Risk everything? I can't answer it any better than the weather predicter determining the path of a hurricane.